Birthday Blues

I'm definitely having the birthday blues...do you ever get them? I'm sure it happens to girls more often then it does to guys, I've seen it happen to a lot of friends.
Well, if you haven't experienced them, girls, you'll know what I'm talking about. It's kinda like being on your period. You feel fat no matter how much you run, how much you're on the stairmaster, how much you don't eat, you feel like a huge beached whale and all you want to do is eat a huge piece of cake with a pile of ice cream on it. You feel like a social outcast and doing anything other than laying on the couch and watching HGTV or FoodNetwork isn't very appealing at all. You don't feel pretty, you can be tan as fudge but your face still is like the freaking craters on the moon. All you feel like doing is crying, crying for no reason at all, and it's not the crying where you're looking for pity, but the crying where you feel like no one understands you or will ever understand you and you'll be even more upset when they think you're crazy for feeling the way you do. Then you think to last bday...that one's hard for me. I guess it's hard because it's the way I am and how I was made. I've spent every bday in vegas since I was 18 years old. The past 3 years I've spent it with an amazing person who meant the world to me, he was like my brother, an older brother I never had. We speant a lot of time together other than just bdays. He kept me company on very many Vegas trips and he kept me company while he visited Scottsdale. I had the most amazing birthday last year. I was lucky enough to have it drama free with people that I care the most about there. A week later Sammy past away in an awful car accident. I've never experienced a death before, his was the first. It was really hard on me although I did my best to stay strong for people around me. I didn't think that it would effect me still but the closer to my bday it gets the sadder I get.
Not really sure if anyone out there can relate to what I'm feeling. just a combination of things. Stress, not working, not making any money, bills, my stupid fudging DUI bs...right now I feel like I can't do anything right.
A little reassurance would be nice and I know I'll have fun on my bdday regardless. I tried to leave it up to my friends to be a surprise but once again I still partook in the planning. I didn't want to. For the first time ever I wanted to be surprised, I'm always the one planning and coordinating my bday. Planning everyone else's so their bday is the BEST day they've had all year. From balloons, flowers, tee shirts, dinners, homemade cupcakes, streamers, confetti...everything.
Birthday blues suck. I'm just venting and I know I'll be fine. Just wished someone understood how I felt without thinking I was overdramtic or crazy.